Words Of Wisdom From my Mother

My dad was a coach, my siblings are coaches and of course I married a coach. In my experience, it seems like women tend to marry what they're used to and what they're comfortable with. I ended up with a teacher/coach. This surprised no one in my family and they love him for this as they can all relate to him. My husband is a great guy; he gets along with everyone and splits all of our kid duties 50/50 (when he's home). I have zero complaints about him. Even if I did, I certainly wouldn't broadcast them on the Internet :). I love him and support him in everything he does. Yet, I'm finding that "supporting someone" means different things to different people. When I was young, my mother taught me some important lessons about marrying someone who coaches multiple sports. I am extremely thankful that she took the time to remind me of these recently and I feel inclined to tip my hat towards the smartest lady I have ever met.

1. He is the coach, I am not.

He coaches for a reason- he loves it. That does not mean that I have to love that he is gone all the time or that I have to love whatever he is coaching. I don't need to memorize all of his players names and numbers, strengths, weaknesses, or even know what position they play. That isn't my job, it's his. My job is to try not to complain to him about being a single parent during his longest and most demanding seasons. My job is to listen when he talks about his game- even if I have no idea what he is saying. As a supportive wife, I will drop off subway at his game or make sure he has some cash to get something while he is there. My job is to care if he won or lost, not to go over the game with him. I would just sound like an idiot, anyway :).

2. It is not my responsibility to drag my kid(s) to every game.

My kid doesn't want to sit in the bleachers at a basketball game, a football game or stand on a golf course. My kid wants to see her mommy and daddy for the three hours she gets at home with them before she goes to bed. She wants to eat dinner in her high chair, not on my lap eating something from a concession stand. When she is older, I'm sure she (and her little sister who will arrive soon) will like these things. At that time, they will also be able to walk and be much more independent- which will make taking them places much easier. My responsibility is to make sure my kids get their dinner, stories and bath because I support my husband doing what he loves, so I am willing to do these tasks alone for that particular season.

3. If he wants to have a team gathering at our house, he can make the arrangements.

I am 100% fine with team gatherings. Heck, if I am given enough notice I will even help my husband pick up our house. Having said this- cleaning the entire house alone and preparing a meal for the entire team is not something I will do (nor something he would ever ask me to do).  I'm an awful cook. I have a hard enough time figuring out what to eat on nights that my husband isn't there to help me decide (and usually grill something). Having 10-20 kids in my house is stressful enough- cooking for them would be out of the question. My job (as the supportive wife) is to allow him to have said gathering, get my kids and myself out of the way, and make sure their toys are picked up... not making a spaghetti dinner for an army. My mom always said "Coaches know how to use a phone. Order pizza or a giant sub. Done." What a brilliant lady.

4. Never start doing stats.
Number four is probably my favorite of all the lessons my wise mother taught me. Whatever sport the husband is coaching, never start helping them with stats. First, we don't really have this issue as my husband's main sport is basketball. Basketball is the sport I know the least about. When my dad was coaching wrestling (a sport my family knows a lot about), my mom refused to take stats. It wasn't her job. It was his job and the manager's job. "Once they know you can take stats, they will ask you to do them constantly." She explained to me that she supported him by attending the matches she could and making him a snack the days he watched film and went over stats. It wasn't her job to take the stats. She  didn't ever want to take stats- that's why he is the coach and she is not. Man, my mom is smart.

So thanks, Mom. Thank you for taking the time to explain these things to me. Somehow, you knew I'd probably end up with a coach. You knew I would have kids (even though I swore I never would) and you knew I would later ask you what the heck I was going to survive. You're a genius, and I am thankful you taught me such valuable lessons.